Added: Baila Lynde - Date: 05.02.2022 07:53 - Views: 34848 - Clicks: 1169
For those of you who have been following my reviews firstly, thank you; secondly, get a lifeyou know well by now that I have never been much of a gamer, both in general and especially when it comes to porn. Porn is not a game to me. I want my porn with no impediments. I like my porn like I like my women: sexy, easy, and there to make me cum. Porn games like smutstone, however, are not for the instantly gratified masturbator such as myself … no, they are more geared toward people with certain traits that I do not seem to be blessed with in abundance.
I have always kind of disliked games in general, even the board games everyone wanted to play as a. It literally makes no difference in my actual life, and silly forms of competition bore me. Plus, the problem with porn games specifically is that they always seem to be way more game than they are porn. Having said that, I did recently play a porn game that actually was pretty enjoyable—3DxChat. At any rate, this most recent positive porn game experience has opened me up to the possibility of other porn games out there potentially being enjoyable to me.
As soon as you arrive on Smutstone. There are no fancy gameplay videos meant to dazzle you into a download, there is not even an explanation of what the fuck Smutstone is all about. From the very moment you land on the site, the game begins. Well, maybe it would be more accurate to say that the exposition begins.
The art of this game is made to look just like a comic book. All you have is one frame of a dude lying in bed, holding an iPhone up to his ear. He looks a little annoyed, or like maybe he just woke up and is hungover as fuck. With each click, a dialogue bubble pops up. Jolly Patrick, it turns out, is a strip club.
The hero, of course, attempts to save her, but just gets pulled into the portal with her.
Suddenly they are in some strange supernatural dimension and the demon bitch orders her flying devil pig to attack you later we find out his name is CockBlocker. And that is where the game begins. The cards kind of resemble those of Magic the Gathering, but they feature sexy chicks instead of dragons games like smutstone shit. Cockblocker prompts you to hit the continue button, upon which all of the gaming is automatically done for you cards literally butt he with each other, dropping HP or whatever in what seems like a pretty arbitrary fashion.
Once you are done watching a weird card game that you have no control over whatsoever spoiler alert: the protagonist winsthe stripper from before is freed from the clutches of the demon bitch. Then you get a single frame of the stripper getting fucked doggystyle with a splash of cum either spraying in or gushing out or it could be both, I suppose.
Some really amazing writing, I know…. The monster has awakened! Save yourselves! In case you were expecting some actual gameplay or skill to eventually become involved. The next level is almost identical to the first.
Some shit happens, you idly watch a card game be played that you are somehow supposed to be implicated in having something to do with? There is at least some level of strategy, it turns out, for you to harness as the game unfolds.
As you progress through levels, you earn gold coins and shit, sometimes new sexy chick Magic cards that have higher HP and do more damage. You can have up to seven cards in your deck at one time. Swap weaker cards out for stronger ones. An idiot could do it. Mission after mission, click buttons, be put in various predicaments, and always receive sex as a reward.
Be strong man. Watch card game. Pick strong card for more win. Make sex with cartoon lady if win. Watch more card game. Make sex again with cartoon lady if win. Like, games like smutstone the fuck is this game meant for? Overall, this is a lazy and idiotic attempt at a porn game that only horny dudes with Downs Syndrome could possibly enjoy fully.
The graphics suck, the dialogue is awful, there is nothing sexy about it, it is not entertaining, it requires little to no strategy, and there is just no fucking point. Oh, and on top of all of that, there are .
The game is Clash of Cunts. And it looks just as fucking lame if not lamer than Smutstone. Wow, this site really struck the fuck out, huh? Uhh … Hmm … Oh, I thought the name was kind of cool. If we assume that the game, indeed, was made for grown men with mild to severe Downs Syndrome, then that completely changes things. If that were the case, I would actually have mad respect for this game.
Yet, there are plenty of men with Downs Syndrome, and they get just as horny as we do. If that is not the case, on the other hand, I have no words. Straight into the Game As soon as you arrive on Smutstone.
Uh … What the Fuck is Going On? No Skill Necessary In case you were expecting some actual gameplay or skill to eventually become involved. The Only Choice You Make There is at least some level of strategy, it turns out, for you to harness as the game unfolds.
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My SmutStone Review (Cheat Codes, Secrets & Alternatives)